Come on, Umpqua Bank. I think you’re better than that. And I know for damn sure Oregon is better than that.

"It was like Christmas morning. I began my public transit commute and started combing through the news for the day. When what to my wandering eyes should appear but this amazing headline in the Portland Business Journal, “New Umpqua division aims to ‘disrupt’ banking industry.”

Umpqua? That’s my bank! Well, one of them. And from the sounds of it they’re doing something to help startups rethink the banking industry. I can tell, because Umpqua used the word “disrupt.” And disrupt is the word you always use when you’re a corporation looking to work with startups. I know this.

THIS IS SO EXCITING! AND OREGON WOULD BE SO GOOD AT THIS! SQUEEEE!

And then, it hits me. In the first sentence. The lede, as they call it in the biz:

The company that owns the largest Oregon-based bank is opening a Silicon Valley-based subsidiary that will test new financial services technologies.

We have just lost cabin pressure..."